My story has taken me ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE. and I don’t mean geographically. For years, I struggled with a lack of direction only to discover much later than I would have liked, that I was just scared. I wanted to study the Bible, write and used my creative side to explore faith and help others grow deeper spiritually but had zero idea that a woman could do this outside of women’s ministry. It took me many years of struggling with self-doubt to finally discover that I just wanted to engage the topic my heart longed for the most:
That’s a big scary word for some and for others, holds very little meaning. The fear that comes with studying such a big topic is that we are constantly faced with all the things we do not know. It’s humility and humbling. So we avoid studying altogether and simply allow those “gifted” teachers to tell us what the Bible says about God.
The moment I became a follower of Jesus and his teachings, I had an instant love for the Word. I hungered to know about Him and His Word, and to be guided by Him through all of life. Some of my fondest memories were browsing through the Christian book store in small town Eagle River, Alaska to find the next topic or book I would study. Years later I found myself frustrated by my continued lack of understanding and ended up in Portland, OR at Bible College to finish my undergrad degree. I graduated with my bachelors in Bible and Theology, with a second major in Music. Soon after graduation I got a Bookkeeping job and didn’t use my degree once until my husband landed a youth pastor job in SE Portland, and by mere association I was able to “pastor” some pretty great kids for a while.
One of my biggest obstacles in pursuing a Bible and Theological education and thereafter using my degree was that
I had zero vision as a woman
in this sphere except for Women’s Ministry or Children’s ministry. I have never felt called to either of those ministries and so I tried Worship Leading for a time which ended with me gaining a thicker layer of skin but losing my love for the ministry. So I opted for being a receptionist, an Office Manager, a professional organizer, a health coach, and so on and so forth. I jumped from job to job looking for anything that mimicked ministry but never finding it.
Fast forward to 2020, I am now finding the courage (at almost 40 years of age) that my calling has and will also be to learn and teach Biblical theology through both writing, ministry and storytelling. The many other “About” pages I had written before this, talked about braving forward as my central point. However, now I see that this was the cry of my own heart to step out from my hidden place and brave being “wrong” in areas people believe women to be, in order to be right where I feel God calling me, learning and teaching theology. I desire to create space for people to ask the hard questions, to doubt, to be open to discussing and learning and growing. This goes both ways too! We learn best when we are open to learning from each other and not be a passive consumer of knowledge but to engage it and push back on it.
This blog isn’t just for women but most of my readers are because there is a generation of women who are finally tired of being silenced and inactive in their callings because of their gender. Years later after being a “pastor” alongside my husband who was the actual Youth Pastor we discovered that he never, NEVER wanted to be in ministry but I did. He never wanted to teach the Bible but I did. I never thought in a million years this is where I would be but the conditioning of being a “pastor’s wife” I experienced as a young woman has worn off and I no longer need to slip through the backdoors of ministry and teaching in order to have a seat at the table.
My theology allows me to walk right through the front door and take a seat at a table because I believe God’s table is big enough to fit the whole of God’s kingdom.
Why I Write
I write because I am passionate about encouraging you to brave forward in your callings. I write to exhort you to engage spiritual practices that strengthen your faith. I write to challenge theological view points in what I call Bigger Table Theology. I write because it’s the primary way I process the world around me and my life. I love studying God and his Word. I also know that theology can be an intimidating subject for many but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t study it! On this blog, I will try my best to teach theological concepts in a way that is approachable and easy to digest through storytelling and studies.
I am so glad that you are here! I hope you will pull up a chair to God’s giant table and stick around for awhile. I would love to chat with you, send me a note and let’s get to know each other!