10 Things I learned this spring

I feel awkward and perhaps a little ashamed to write about things I have learned these past few months with our country being in such upheaval with the death of multiple blacks Americans. Not to mention that we are still in the middle of a global pandemic that has changed the shape of 2020 and our lives entirely. Yet I have to write, it’s the only way I know how to best process all the swirling thoughts and ongoing ideas that keep me up at night. It calms my mind and connects me back to myself, and most importantly, it connects me to God.

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5 Ways COVID-19 Feels Like Infertility

It is interesting to hear people’s experience with COVID-19 and how similar it feels to infertility. All of us are navigating through the challenges and discovering new normals. Many of us are hurting financially and emotionally as we find ourselves stuck in our homes with or without income or constant connection. Each Sunday, I listen to my pastor ask good questions about this season and I try to conger up answers around areas of loss but this is not unfamiliar territory. Infertility feels like a Bootcamp of harsh reality and immense grief that I unwillingly enrolled in over seven years ago that has me walking in COVID-19 with a few minor aches and pains.

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Unpacking the truth about 2019

“I feel so overwhelmed!” may have been on repeat during the best part of the last few months in 2019. I’m sure my husband, actually, I know my husband was quite sick of hearing it and yet would always express his concerns and listen empathically despite his annoyance. I just had too many irons in the fire, I confessed. I knew I shouldn’t have started all these things at once, I would admit but I just couldn’t let any of them go.

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The Size of Shame

Everything I have learned about shame, I learned from Brene Brown. Shame is an emotion I felt I had very little knowledge about nor even a basic awareness of its existence in my life. I remember listening to Brene Brown’s teaching “Men, Women, and Worthiness” back in 2010. My husband and I were on a road trip and decided to listen to it. It was pretty life changing and marriage changing to say the least but I remember feeling like I couldn’t relate while listening. I didn’t think much of it then but then a few hardships hit our life like a bird to a clean glass window and we went running back to the content of that teaching.

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2018 in Recovery

I think it’s time to crawl out from under my rock and get my eyes once again adjusted to the light. 2018 was such a whirlwind that I am feeling a little beat-up by all of it. I feel that as we get older the years pass through us less gracefully than they did in our vibrant years of 20-something. Life is just a bit more jarring and the recovery period keeps getting stretch out longer and longer. Let me do a quick recap of 2018 first before I move into more details about our fertility journey.

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How I keep going to church

My dearest friend,

You had asked me “How do you do it?” while sitting in a busy car with a crying baby.

It wasn’t a question pertaining to my accomplishments but about how I continue to be apart of a church, or the church I should say. With all its flaws and failures, you were looking for an answer as to how I keep being apart of the church. We never got to finish our conversation, so this is my answer to you and to anyone else wondering how I keep going to church.

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Life Happenings + Re-Introduction

Hello Friends, It has been so long since I have written a post that I feel like a complete stranger on my own blog! So much has happened these past 5 months and I am way overdue for an update/re-introduce myself.

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Why I Think I’m A Bad Writer (And Why I Don’t Care)

This last week I experienced what I like to call “Email PTSD”. Now I don’t want to diminish the real affects of PTSD but many of us have the same experiences just on a smaller scale. Last week was my first week as my church’s administrator. They just hired me and I was so excited to start. It has been a dream of mine to be a paid leader in a church and now God has created a role that fits me perfectly! Then I received my first email…

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